Britney

My closest friend (name omitted for the sake of her reputation)......

is a celebrity gossip addict.

I tend not to get into the details of hollywood scandals, except for when Drew is caught making out with someone other than Zach Braff (wtf?) or when I put money down on the fact that Janet did *not* flash her nipple ring, since I was there watching it and somehow I totally missed it. But I did go online and watch Paris Hilton's confession that she is a changed woman on her Larry King interview and Britney's performance at the Video Music Awards.

So I dabble. And it's probably her fault (see picture above).

On to the important issues: Britney wasn't quite up to snuff in her performance, I agree. A little sluggish, alright, that's true. EW compared her to a zombie, the Wash. Post said she was "out-of-shape". Shit I wish I looked like she does in that bikini. Rumors about her "glassy eyed" face being drug related have popped up here and there and the NYT, called the whole damn thing "awful." I love it. The New York Post, however, unsurprisingly said the following: "Spears was stuffed into a spangled bra and hot pants and jiggled like Jell-O as she sleepwalked through the song. She didn't seem to care that she danced like she had a pantload, that her lips weren't synched with the song, and that the tune isn't all that great." (cue New York Post readers to affectionately smile at their beloved rag).

Jell-O? Would anyone have used the term Jell-O to refer to Beyonce (who ain't no skinny mini), if she had looked draggy on stage? Last month, Forbes, in their business section, reported that Hollywood's Sexiest Celebrities are curvy. I don't know if that's true or not, and I guess it doesn't really matter, since we gasp at Angelina's disintegrating body while at the same time shield our eyes from unintentional muffin tops. All I know is that today, for Britney's sake and in protest of the Jell-O comment, I'm not going to the gym.

Any thoughts on this gripping & important topic? Post a comment for pete's sake! Shoutouts to Mediterranean sea salt & chipotle peppers.

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Sat. Morning Late Edition: My mailman just came by to bring me this. He just lost his Xmas giftcard.